Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards.
- George Carlin
How do you leave Vegas with 1 million dollars? Go there with 2 million.
My blackjack buddy said I was crazy to make that bet. I said I wanted a second opinion, and he said, “OK, you are ugly too”.
"The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win." ~ Henry Adams
"I just saw Bob Saget at a casino in Las Vegas. I fought the urge to ask him if he got a full house." ~ Jonny B. Good
What did the dealer say to the deck of cards? "I cannot deal with you anymore."
Confucious Gambler says: Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
"I don't get it grandma. If you're not a card player, then why did dad say you're not dealing with a full deck of cards?"
I didn't say it was the dealer’s fault, I said I was blaming him. ~ Unknown
If you have one chink in your psychological armor, playing the horses will bring it out. ~ Andrew Beyer, Beyer on Speed (1993)
How do you make a room full of women swear all at the same time? Shout “BINGO!”
The only man who makes money following the races is one who does it with a broom and shovel.
“Las Vegas is the city of fish and chips. Some poor fish is always losing his chips.”
~ Hod Shewell